After a long, party filled decade of being swaggirljesse on Instagram, it seems as though divine intervention has taken place and I have been reborn as sacredgirljesse.

 It’s funny to be grieving an Instagram handle. So tragically 2025 of me. But for 10 years I was this person. This kitschy, scattered girl with equal parts poetry as asinine antics. So swaggirl. It’s  silly typing this but I really owe my life to her. She was my self expression before I knew what self expression was. She was my cunty persona before I was confident writing the word cunt on the internet. She was my name that people called me, and classmates, lovers, friends, birthday cakes and cards and even my mother once. She was the edge of my shiny albeit dull sword. 

To walk down memory lane, it was 2015 when I got my first tattoo; an inner lip tattoo that said swag, well technically $wag. I remember coming up with the idea to get a lip tattoo. Someone mentioned Miley Cyrus’s tattoo and something clicked. I’ve had my alarms set to various songs from her BANGERZ album, and still do to this day. Miley was a princess, Hannah Montana, but also a Molly popping young wild and free soul. To me, all of this was encapsulated through the lip tattoo. And I realized I could get one myself. It was like I finally had an in to the indie sleaze life I wanted, despite my surroundings being yeti coolers and chicken farms. I don’t exactly which came first, whether this night was the night swaggirljesse was born or the night she was solidified and codified into law. 

She gave me purpose while I was navigating the throes of Arkansas. She gave me something hidden that allowed me to be seen.  

Fast forward 10 years later, I type with fake tears welling in my eyes, that she had a good run. Swaggirljesse wasn’t just the lip tattoo girl. She was crazy study abroad girl who met someone for a night and dated them for 2 years, she was the 21st birthday girl who slammed her face into a cake, she was the girl who moved across the country with whatever fit in her Lincoln MKZ. She was the girl who got into bar fights. And lost passports. And held her dad’s hand as he died. She was the girl who got more tattoos. Dyed her hair pink and then blue. Threw parties like it was her job. She was lots of things. And now…. She’s dead. And I thank whoever is reading this for gathering here today. 

What does it mean to reinvent yourself? I know the greats, aka the father, the son and the Holy Spirit have done it. And those greats, also known as Lana Del Rey, Taylor Swift and Lorde seem to always be doing it so it feels as though I should too. There’s a part of me that’s shocked it’s taken this long. And another part that is proud. My relationship with my instagram handle is my longest running relationship and it’s not even close. I think it’s rather sweet I held her near and dear for so long. Like the Virgin Mary, sacredgirljesse was conceived without the original sins of swaggirljesse and thus will remain free from sin throughout her life. Or at least that’s why I pray for.